Bloggery

And just like that, as soon as I started the blog I nearly abandoned it.  It wasn't that I forgot it this time though.  I've been thinking of blog ideas nearly every day, composing witty entries in my head.  And then when I get to a computer and stare at that blank page...nothing.

But this time I feel it might be fear.  What if I come off as pompous?  What if nobody reads it?  Well Sarah, fear isn't going to get you anywhere.  You're not going to become a writer by being afraid of what people will think of what you write.  What if nobody likes what I have to say?  That's the one that gets me. 

I have friends.  And they laugh at the things I say.  Which leads me to believe that I am amusing, at least to some degree.  So why is writing any different?  I don't have a filter when I speak, so why do I have such a strong one when I write?  Perhaps because writing is much more permanent.  It sticks around.  Spoken word can float away and never been seen or heard again, but writing.  Especially with the internet, written word never dies. 

So instead of being afraid of what you will think of me, oh invisible, unknown, (possibly non-existent), audience; I'm going to try to remember this instead...
"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad."  Proverbs 12:25

A good word can come from a friend, or a book, or any number of places.  I need to fill my heart with good words, so there won't be room for anxiety and worry. 

Here we go again...

Hey Bug, how many blogs do you have?  Oh, maybe 2 or 5 sad, neglected, forgotten blogs.
Hey Bug, how many blogs have you ever had?  Who knows.  Honestly, couldn't tell you.  And don't ask how many journals I've stopped keeping after 3 weeks.

I remember when blogging became a "thing."  I was in high school (dating myself already I guess) the internet was not new, but it was still young.  We were outgrowing our geocities websites with their easy drag and drop interface and exploring new social media mediums.  Facebook didn't yet exist, and myspace wouldn't get started for a couple more years.  That's when blogging started. 

I got started with some friends.  It was basically a journal, except it was online.  I knew my friends were reading it.  I was also a teenager, so going back now and reading some of those entries is painful to say the least.  Is anybody really pleasant at 17?  

I've had other blogs over the years, but like many other hobbies...I lose interest or forget about them after a while.  College made me very critical about writing, to the point of almost never doing it.  I don't want to write poorly, so instead I just don't write.  That has to stop.  I'm sure even Dorothy Parker wrote some stinkers from time to time.  Just kidding, Dorothy Parker was always poised and perfect.  Sylvia Plath on the other hand?  Chick was a hot mess.  Brilliant, but I promise she wrote some bad poetry at some point and made sure nobody ever saw it.  Alas, I digress.

I have to change the way I think about blogging.  This "nobody wants to read it" attitude isn't going to do me any good.  I'm also going to keep it open.  I will write about whatever strikes me.  Literally or figuratively.  And finally, I will write positively.  Nobody wants to read Debbie Downer's blog.  Unless Debbie Downer is on a week-long bender with Justin Bieber.  Let's be honest, we'd all read that out of sheer, morbid curiosity. 

So...here goes nothing.  I'm putting it all out there in the hopes that by doing so, I'll keep up with it.  Maybe somebody will read my blog.  Maybe you'll like it.  Maybe I'll become a famous writer, just like I've always dreamed of!...too soon?  Okay.  Maybe I'll keep blogging.